I love to exercise.
Pushing the envelope with just one more push-up or ten more seconds of jogging is exhilarating. It isn't so much a moment of positivity as it is a moment to win or lose - how strong is your resolve to finish? I don't always win, but I certainly always try, and I believe that is the most any of us can hope for.
I am now in Week 4 of a 5k training program. Although my general fitness is certainly far above a 5K program, I've never ran even a small marathon like this before, so I wanted to start at the beginning. I have continued most of my regular exercising (the elliptical, free weights and ab work outs) in conjunction with three times per week of running/jogging at variable speeds and lengths. It's been tricky and certainly a learning process. 35 minutes on an elliptical is nothing like even 25 minutes of alternating between running and walking outside. Even so, I've continued to push, and have really felt my stamina build. It may seem like running on a country road for three minutes without ceasing is not much, but when I started I could only go for one - to me, that's progress.
By the end of the 9 week training period, I should be able to run for a full 35 minutes, equaling (roughly) the 5k distance. Even if I don't perfectly reach that goal, it feels wonderful knowing I'll be much further along than when I started. I haven't even decided if I actually want to run a 5k. For me, it was never about the finish line; it has always been about the journey along the way.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Worst Blogger in America Award
The problem with blogging is that it takes dedication and a willingness to learn.
Fortunately, I possess both attributes.
Unfortunately, I don't attach them to blogging.
One, I am totally unmotivated to personalize my blog. I WANT to do it, but I never take the time to sit down and do it. There's always work to be done, exercise to be exercised, a book to read, food to cook...you know how it goes. I've really got to get on the ball with this, because I know I'd write more if I had an encouraging medium upon which to do so.
That being said, I think I need to evaluate what my priorities in writing are. I find that I am somewhat of an oxymoron. Married seven years as of the 28th, but no kids. No plans for kids, either. I hold a Master's degree, but am self-employed and work from home, which automatically makes people assume I'm "just a house wife." As if being a house wife means there's no work involved. Anyone who assumes that should spend a typical week at home chasing laundry, cooking meals, de-cluttering, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming...Need I go on? The home is a full time job.
I started pondering this concept months ago, but can't even recall what I said, so I think it's best to start anew. Well, so, what is A Modern Yesterday all about? I think that if I had to sum it up in just a few points, it would go something like this...
* I am a mid-20-something (Mid-2o's. It was cool crossing from "teen" to "early twenties", but mid? Ouch. Guess I really am an adult!") woman from the northwest.
* I love education. I have two degrees and will someday get that doctorate, but I quite frankly needed a break. In the mean time, I absorb books on everything from history to finance to architecture to politics and everything in between.
* My husband and I own a business that I am okay with mentioning in loose terms, but purposefully leave out details, because this is the internet...and it's not always the safest place. Our business is near and dear to us, and it's extremely important I remain necessarily vague, particularly as we enter a phase of expansion. You never know who's watching.
* Health interests me. A lot. Organics, understanding the realities of modern food and medicine, homeopathy, fitness, syndromes, diseases and general side effects of simply being alive...These are things I consider a lot and would definitely like to dive into on this blog.
* Above all, I am a Christian. Bought with the blood of Christ, I am a forgiven sinner ever learning more about the grace, truth and righteousness of God. My personal faith journey has had ups and down, and through it all, God has been with me. He can be with you, too! Want to know more? Just ask. :)
All that being said, my life is in a very, very busy season right now. Between work, church and just trying to breathe a little, my time is restricted to sometimes mere minutes of personal time each day. But, I'm going to try to blog more regularly. I really am going to try!
Fortunately, I possess both attributes.
Unfortunately, I don't attach them to blogging.
One, I am totally unmotivated to personalize my blog. I WANT to do it, but I never take the time to sit down and do it. There's always work to be done, exercise to be exercised, a book to read, food to cook...you know how it goes. I've really got to get on the ball with this, because I know I'd write more if I had an encouraging medium upon which to do so.
That being said, I think I need to evaluate what my priorities in writing are. I find that I am somewhat of an oxymoron. Married seven years as of the 28th, but no kids. No plans for kids, either. I hold a Master's degree, but am self-employed and work from home, which automatically makes people assume I'm "just a house wife." As if being a house wife means there's no work involved. Anyone who assumes that should spend a typical week at home chasing laundry, cooking meals, de-cluttering, dusting, sweeping, vacuuming...Need I go on? The home is a full time job.
I started pondering this concept months ago, but can't even recall what I said, so I think it's best to start anew. Well, so, what is A Modern Yesterday all about? I think that if I had to sum it up in just a few points, it would go something like this...
* I am a mid-20-something (Mid-2o's. It was cool crossing from "teen" to "early twenties", but mid? Ouch. Guess I really am an adult!") woman from the northwest.
* I love education. I have two degrees and will someday get that doctorate, but I quite frankly needed a break. In the mean time, I absorb books on everything from history to finance to architecture to politics and everything in between.
* My husband and I own a business that I am okay with mentioning in loose terms, but purposefully leave out details, because this is the internet...and it's not always the safest place. Our business is near and dear to us, and it's extremely important I remain necessarily vague, particularly as we enter a phase of expansion. You never know who's watching.
* Health interests me. A lot. Organics, understanding the realities of modern food and medicine, homeopathy, fitness, syndromes, diseases and general side effects of simply being alive...These are things I consider a lot and would definitely like to dive into on this blog.
* Above all, I am a Christian. Bought with the blood of Christ, I am a forgiven sinner ever learning more about the grace, truth and righteousness of God. My personal faith journey has had ups and down, and through it all, God has been with me. He can be with you, too! Want to know more? Just ask. :)
All that being said, my life is in a very, very busy season right now. Between work, church and just trying to breathe a little, my time is restricted to sometimes mere minutes of personal time each day. But, I'm going to try to blog more regularly. I really am going to try!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
"When are you two going to have kids?"
The next time I get asked this question, I think I'm going to respond with, "When are you going to stop?"
My husband and I have been married for close to seven years now, so we are increasingly being asked why we have not "started a family" or when we are going to "start a family." I wonder if it has ever occurred to people that perhaps we are a family, even though we have no children. We make a family, even just the two of us with our little pets.
When we are asked these types of questions, I have a standard set of replies. I point to our busy schedules, the fact that we're still quite young and/or the relative ease of our lives without children, thus allowing us the opportunity to jetset around the county and even the world when we so desire. These replies usually come with a mixed reception. A busy schedule? Well, you're always too busy to have children; you just have to do it! You're young? Yes, this is true. You still have a couple of years...or...the best time is now, while you still have the energy! And, when we mention the fact that we love traveling and that's easier without children, we usually receive a stare that falls somewhere between awe and confusion.
It's very rare I go beyond that. I prefer keeping it as simple as possible, giving just enough to satisfy the general inquiries. However, I have to admit that sometimes I just want to lay it all out and be done with it. When I receive honest questions - simple, mean-no-harm questions, I am okay. But when I am badgered, I really just feel like saying, "Well, I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I'm lucky to get 6 or 7 periods a year; sometimes, I only get 5. Of those periods, I don't necessarily ovulate. And, well, we haven't used any form of protection in over five years, but I still haven't gotten pregnant, obviously. Minus that one terrible miscarriage in 2005. Oh, and did I mention we also have a possible issue with male infertility as well? Yeah, basically we just can't seem to make a baby, but thanks for asking!"
I spent a lot - a lot - of time obsessing over the possibility of being a mother. When I got married at a young age, I assumed I'd finish my bachelor's degree and become a mom immediately thereafter. Funny how life gets in the way of one's plans for life. We built a home, and I knew precisely which room the nursery was going to be; I figured which type of closet would be best, the wall the large window would be on, and the area of the house. I had a dresser put in the closet, waiting for that baby to come, so I could fill the white drawers with adorable little clothes. I kept a box full of yellow decorations and a tiny pair of white tennis shoes that I could not resist buying. After all, I was a married woman - of course I was going to have a baby.
But, well, the months dragged on. My health continued to spiral out of control (a very long story I will have to describe in a future post), and I proceeded with my education and assisting my husband in our business (which I will not describe here, at least at this point. Privacy and such). It has been five years since the miscarriage. In that time, I've received a Bachelor's and a Master's, worked full time in our business, traveled in and around Australia three times, visited several U.S. locations, read about a million books, gotten my health under control, etc. etc...but no baby.
Last week, I sold the white dresser and packed the yellow items away, probably not to see the light of day until we someday move. When people ask me if I want children, I usually reply with, "Well, my life is pretty great right now. If it happens, I'll be ecstatic. If it doesn't, I know my life is complete now." As hard as it is to swallow, I know that's the truth. Most days, I have come to terms with my infertility. I have a fabulous life. I love traveling, I love sleeping in late and going to bed at 4am, because it doesn't matter when you don't have kids. I love going out to eat at the drop of a hat, reading a book in total peace and having plenty of alone time.
I think the truth of it is that I had a huge, gaping, bleeding open wound over my infertility for a really long time. I craved that nursery; I craved a child. I craved sleepless nights, sweet pink dresses and little baseball caps; I craved watching my child grow, taking them to gymnastics, watching them learn to play the piano. Truly, I craved being a mother.
At some point, I had to stitch the wound and let a deep scar form. I couldn't keep bleeding; it simply hurt too much. If I ever have a baby, I will be thrilled. I will do my best to be as good of a mom as I can possibly be. But if that never happens, I have set myself in a position where I have learned to find fulfillment in other things, because that is all I can do. I am very happy, most of the time. Like with anyone in this life, I have my moments. We all do. But I cannot dwell on that; I must move on. I must continue to do what I love and find peace in that.
I suppose as a food for thought, I simply wish people would not find it in their business to ask such personal questions of someone, or at least ask only once. I wish they would not say, "just adopt"; the loss of one's ability to conceive is not replaceable by "just adopting." Above all, I wish people would stop thinking I am somehow incomplete and without a family, because I have no children. If this is how God made me, then this is my family.
I'm really grateful for the opportunities I have had without children. I cannot just be bitter all day long. I've been able to obtain a Master's! We have had relative financial stability. We have had fun together, and a great time working on our relationship. And, of course, we have travel. I know a lot of family and friends who are pregnant or have recently had children...but, we're going to D.C. next week. That's just where my life is right now. Travel. Exploration. I may not create life, but I am learning to absorb it.
My husband and I have been married for close to seven years now, so we are increasingly being asked why we have not "started a family" or when we are going to "start a family." I wonder if it has ever occurred to people that perhaps we are a family, even though we have no children. We make a family, even just the two of us with our little pets.
When we are asked these types of questions, I have a standard set of replies. I point to our busy schedules, the fact that we're still quite young and/or the relative ease of our lives without children, thus allowing us the opportunity to jetset around the county and even the world when we so desire. These replies usually come with a mixed reception. A busy schedule? Well, you're always too busy to have children; you just have to do it! You're young? Yes, this is true. You still have a couple of years...or...the best time is now, while you still have the energy! And, when we mention the fact that we love traveling and that's easier without children, we usually receive a stare that falls somewhere between awe and confusion.
It's very rare I go beyond that. I prefer keeping it as simple as possible, giving just enough to satisfy the general inquiries. However, I have to admit that sometimes I just want to lay it all out and be done with it. When I receive honest questions - simple, mean-no-harm questions, I am okay. But when I am badgered, I really just feel like saying, "Well, I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I'm lucky to get 6 or 7 periods a year; sometimes, I only get 5. Of those periods, I don't necessarily ovulate. And, well, we haven't used any form of protection in over five years, but I still haven't gotten pregnant, obviously. Minus that one terrible miscarriage in 2005. Oh, and did I mention we also have a possible issue with male infertility as well? Yeah, basically we just can't seem to make a baby, but thanks for asking!"
I spent a lot - a lot - of time obsessing over the possibility of being a mother. When I got married at a young age, I assumed I'd finish my bachelor's degree and become a mom immediately thereafter. Funny how life gets in the way of one's plans for life. We built a home, and I knew precisely which room the nursery was going to be; I figured which type of closet would be best, the wall the large window would be on, and the area of the house. I had a dresser put in the closet, waiting for that baby to come, so I could fill the white drawers with adorable little clothes. I kept a box full of yellow decorations and a tiny pair of white tennis shoes that I could not resist buying. After all, I was a married woman - of course I was going to have a baby.
But, well, the months dragged on. My health continued to spiral out of control (a very long story I will have to describe in a future post), and I proceeded with my education and assisting my husband in our business (which I will not describe here, at least at this point. Privacy and such). It has been five years since the miscarriage. In that time, I've received a Bachelor's and a Master's, worked full time in our business, traveled in and around Australia three times, visited several U.S. locations, read about a million books, gotten my health under control, etc. etc...but no baby.
Last week, I sold the white dresser and packed the yellow items away, probably not to see the light of day until we someday move. When people ask me if I want children, I usually reply with, "Well, my life is pretty great right now. If it happens, I'll be ecstatic. If it doesn't, I know my life is complete now." As hard as it is to swallow, I know that's the truth. Most days, I have come to terms with my infertility. I have a fabulous life. I love traveling, I love sleeping in late and going to bed at 4am, because it doesn't matter when you don't have kids. I love going out to eat at the drop of a hat, reading a book in total peace and having plenty of alone time.
I think the truth of it is that I had a huge, gaping, bleeding open wound over my infertility for a really long time. I craved that nursery; I craved a child. I craved sleepless nights, sweet pink dresses and little baseball caps; I craved watching my child grow, taking them to gymnastics, watching them learn to play the piano. Truly, I craved being a mother.
At some point, I had to stitch the wound and let a deep scar form. I couldn't keep bleeding; it simply hurt too much. If I ever have a baby, I will be thrilled. I will do my best to be as good of a mom as I can possibly be. But if that never happens, I have set myself in a position where I have learned to find fulfillment in other things, because that is all I can do. I am very happy, most of the time. Like with anyone in this life, I have my moments. We all do. But I cannot dwell on that; I must move on. I must continue to do what I love and find peace in that.
I suppose as a food for thought, I simply wish people would not find it in their business to ask such personal questions of someone, or at least ask only once. I wish they would not say, "just adopt"; the loss of one's ability to conceive is not replaceable by "just adopting." Above all, I wish people would stop thinking I am somehow incomplete and without a family, because I have no children. If this is how God made me, then this is my family.
I'm really grateful for the opportunities I have had without children. I cannot just be bitter all day long. I've been able to obtain a Master's! We have had relative financial stability. We have had fun together, and a great time working on our relationship. And, of course, we have travel. I know a lot of family and friends who are pregnant or have recently had children...but, we're going to D.C. next week. That's just where my life is right now. Travel. Exploration. I may not create life, but I am learning to absorb it.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Round Two.
Unfortunately, I realized I cannot figure out my old blog details, so I have to start again. Alas, I had but two measly posts, so it's not exactly tragic. For time's sake, I am going to re-post those two entries below to catch this blog back up. As if anyone is reading. I should probably make some friends!
March 5, 2010
Here's to my next phase in blogging. I'm leaving the safe confines of Livejournal for a more public - yet more privately maintained - way to connect to others in the blogosphere. I hope posts to come will be more entertaining, but I suppose I have to talk a little about myself first, so here we go...
I am a twenty-something married female living in the Pacific Northwest. I currently hold both a Bachelor of Science and Master of Arts in the areas of psychology and human resources. As of now, I work with my husband - full time - running a small business we own. We have no children, but do love our furry friends. :)
I love baking, being my "modern" self while still living accountable to God's plans for my life, music, exercise, writing, reading, business and above all, being a Christian. I hope that this blog becomes a haven for me, a place to talk about this life style. As of late, I feel much like a girl out of place. Married but without kids automatically kicks me out of some clubs. Educated but working from home removes me from others. I'm not part of a traditional fundamentalist group (ie: dresses only, head coverings and so forth), although I do firmly believe I hold true to some of those ideals.
At the end of the day, I think this blog will go from baking to business and everything in between.
Welcome to my blog. :)
---
April 26, 2010
One of the blogger ladies I follow - Candy, over at Keeping the Home - opened a discussion about home organization today. When I figure out how to link on here, I will make sure to do so, by the way! I've been a faithful Livejournaler for about a decade now, and obviously have only just made the transition to Blogger, so I'm still trying to figure all of this out.
Anyhow, Candy's organizational flow really resonates with me. I cannot live without my day planner. Because I handle both the "paper trail" aspects of the business as well as the management of our home, I find that I switch gears often. If I don't keep a planner, inevitably I will forget to do something. Naturally, it's usually something important, like filing state taxes or paying the mortgage! Thus, a day planner is my life-line, my connection to the world and all things sane. Business appointments, important due dates, chore lists and even new recipes get written down in my little mahogany book. It's really nice, because I can fit it in my purse, and check things off as I go, whether I am on the road or just walking around my home.
Outside of the planner, however, I have also created a Home Management Binder. This is a wonderful organizational tool I learned from Candy, and something that has literally revolutionized the way I conduct my day. The binder contains essentially everything I need to run both my home and business, much like a miniature filing system. I keep a pouch for basic office supplies, and then several folders that keep important documents handy and remind me of To Do items I complete on a monthly or quarterly basis, such as taxes, payroll and bills. Waking up on Monday morning is not nearly as stressful when there's a planner and binder with directions already laid out.
The best part? There's nothing like checking that final item off in my binder or day planner on Friday evening, realizing the weekend is mine!
March 5, 2010
The Next Phase Begins
I am a twenty-something married female living in the Pacific Northwest. I currently hold both a Bachelor of Science and Master of Arts in the areas of psychology and human resources. As of now, I work with my husband - full time - running a small business we own. We have no children, but do love our furry friends. :)
I love baking, being my "modern" self while still living accountable to God's plans for my life, music, exercise, writing, reading, business and above all, being a Christian. I hope that this blog becomes a haven for me, a place to talk about this life style. As of late, I feel much like a girl out of place. Married but without kids automatically kicks me out of some clubs. Educated but working from home removes me from others. I'm not part of a traditional fundamentalist group (ie: dresses only, head coverings and so forth), although I do firmly believe I hold true to some of those ideals.
At the end of the day, I think this blog will go from baking to business and everything in between.
Welcome to my blog. :)
---
April 26, 2010
Added to the To Do list is a little creativity
Anyhow, Candy's organizational flow really resonates with me. I cannot live without my day planner. Because I handle both the "paper trail" aspects of the business as well as the management of our home, I find that I switch gears often. If I don't keep a planner, inevitably I will forget to do something. Naturally, it's usually something important, like filing state taxes or paying the mortgage! Thus, a day planner is my life-line, my connection to the world and all things sane. Business appointments, important due dates, chore lists and even new recipes get written down in my little mahogany book. It's really nice, because I can fit it in my purse, and check things off as I go, whether I am on the road or just walking around my home.
Outside of the planner, however, I have also created a Home Management Binder. This is a wonderful organizational tool I learned from Candy, and something that has literally revolutionized the way I conduct my day. The binder contains essentially everything I need to run both my home and business, much like a miniature filing system. I keep a pouch for basic office supplies, and then several folders that keep important documents handy and remind me of To Do items I complete on a monthly or quarterly basis, such as taxes, payroll and bills. Waking up on Monday morning is not nearly as stressful when there's a planner and binder with directions already laid out.
The best part? There's nothing like checking that final item off in my binder or day planner on Friday evening, realizing the weekend is mine!
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